just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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