Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
