oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
