I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
