Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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