I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
