if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
