so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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