sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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