I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
