did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
