I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
