talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
