apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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