I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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