Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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