I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
