Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what day is it and did you see me today?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
