I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
