how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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