i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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