just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
