i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
