tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
