I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Someone signed my nipple.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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