he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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