I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
