I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
