I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
