when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
