No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
