I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
