Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I love having hate sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
