hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
