you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
