i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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