My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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