Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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