Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
