My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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