Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
