Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
