I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
