You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
