Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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