I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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