he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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