i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
