I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.