This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n