i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?