i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.