You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."