Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
