Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your dad touched me again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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