textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
