yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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