hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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