I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
