in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
