....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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