His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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