The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize