Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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