erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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