What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
